Hey! Thanks For The Mail ! ! !

Written on Thursday, February 24, 2011...

  Today was another long, boring day at DCI. No staffing, no appointments, not even a Library pass today. Apparently only five people got Library passes today. Hopefully they get the rest of us tomorrow. I'm running out of things to read.

  I had Rec at 8:30AM and other than that it was like any other day. Nothing going on. Didn't get any mail either. I'm sort of waiting for another letter from my Dad, and Mom said she was sending more pictures this week too.

  Oh yeah, and what happened to everybody who asked for my address in here?! I just don't get that. I guess they must be too busy to write. Well, for those of you who don't know what an envelope looks like anymore, I also have an e-mail address which will keep communication open! prison.gates@gmail.com.

  Just don't forget to include a return mailing address with you emails so that I can write you back! I sent letters to a couple people tonight that promised to write me too. I doubt I'll hear anything anyhow, but at least they'll know how I feel about it. Days are getting longer in here with the anticipation to my staffing building. Hopefully it comes soon! Anyhow, I hope I'll have more to write about tomorrow.

Until tomorrow...

~J. Doe

Mail May Make You Cry

Written on February 17, 2011...

   Today I woke up feeling like crap. I was completely stiff and my back was killing me. This stiffness wasn't like the other times I worked out hard; it was different. So, for the first time since I've been able to go to Rec, I chose to stay in my cell. I took my shower before everyone else even went to Rec, then came back and went to sleep. When I woke up the Sgt. was calling chow while unlocking the cells, so I'm guessing he wasn't paying attention to the time. My hair was a disaster from going to sleep with it wet, but I couldn't care less in here really. After chow we came back and did count. I sat staring out my window, daydreaming, for more than an hour before they called people out for Library passes. I forgot to turn my request in over the weekend, so I didn't go. I laid down for a bit just thinking, and the next thing I knew it was 3:30pm and the Sgt. was passing out mail.

   I received two letters today. One from the Appellate Court telling me that my lawyer didn't file my appeal in time and they would not be taking my case. Now this really pisses me off because the initial appeal was filed due to misrepresentation by my attorney. Now he conveniently files my appeal too late. I'll have to speak with another attorney about this before I just admit defeat.

   On a more positive note, I received my first letter from my father directly. I have received letters from my mother relaying messages or telling me how everyone is. This is the first solely from my Dad. He and I have our differences and disagreements, and I have been wanting to put them behind us. I want to address the issues, solve our problems, and have the relationship I've always wanted with my Dad. I love him to death, but always fear losing him before putting these problems behind us. So, while I am here, I will begin to address the issues with him via letters. The real work will come after I am released. I love my Dad unconditionally and want to have a positive relationship with him. I hope this is the beginning to that. His letter, I admit, made me cry. As many have from my Mom since coming to jail and prison. I am learning about how my actions have directly affected everyone around me, as they are learning about why I am the way that I am, or have done the things that I've done. My Dad hit the nail on the head when he said, “There was something that I heard on TV: that a young adult said that his father only gave him attention when he did something wrong; that's why he did things wrong. I don't know if that was part of the reason for why you did the things that you did, but it's food for thought.” I have thought this, exactly the way he said it, for many years. But I refused to ever say it as it sounded like a cop-out, an excuse, or as if I was redirecting the blame. I am who I am by personal choices I made throughout my life. Maybe the lack of attention was initially why I did some of the things I did, but I still did them, fully aware of the consequences. I will probably wait until later to actually write him back, after I've read his letter a handful more times. I've already read it four times. It means a lot to me.

   For the rest of the night I sat around reading another book and ate some noodles with jalapeño cheese. My cellmate and I cut the lights off about 10:00pm and called it a night.

Until tomorrow...

~J. Doe

My New Cellmate's Birthday

Written on Tuesday, February 15, 2011....

   So today didn't have much happening in it either. I apologize for having so little to write about in these days that nothing is different than the last. I had Bible Study at 9:30am, just after I got back from Rec. I enjoy it more each time actually. Going over small portions of a book that has such a big meaning. This week was the conviction and crucification of Jesus. After returning to my cell, I gave copies of our readings to my cellmate since he has signed up for Bible Studies but hasn't been placed in one yet. Sometimes it takes awhile. He also let me know today was his 28^th birthday and said he got his first gray hair as a present. I wished him a Happy Birthday, even though it couldn't be very happy.

   Then the swamper came to my door and told me to get ready to get in the shower. He ended up giving me a 10 minute shower. Small perk for the few cakes or noodles I give him. Simple things like that can go a long ways in here.

   We got our canteen orders in around 2:30pm, and they passed out mail right after. I didn't get any today. I haven't had any since earlier last week. I hope my letters and cards got there. For the most of the afternoon my cellmate and I talked and read books.

   Around 6:00pm, I went out and helped the swamper fold clothes. After we finished, I cooked a simple “hook-up” as they are called in here – three noodles, seasoning, one bag of Cheetos and one bag of Party Mix. Crush it all down, put it in a bag, and add hot water. Once it's thick and pasty, roll it up and let it sit. It will get firm and then it's done. Cut it in half, and enjoy, while your friend enjoys the other! Afterwards I locked back down and read my book until about midnight.

Until tomorrow.... 

~J. Doe

Numbing Classificaton

Written on Friday, February 11, 2011...

  Today I was hoping for something to happen in regards to my staffing but my cellmate was the lucky one.  His staffing agent apologized for it taking so long to get him in.  I guess it was pretty much a straight forward process.  She staffed him as Medium security and had him choose three prisons he'd like to go to.  He chose Racine Correction Institution, Jackson Correction Institution or Redgranite Correction Institution, in that order.  They can't promise you placement anywhere particular, it depends on when a spot opens up.

  God, I hope I get minimum classification.

  At 5:30 PM we did count as usual and then the Sgt. came to the door with a bottle of pink stuff.  The nurse instructed me to swish it in my mouth for this cut I got on my gums that was incredibly sore.  Once I spit it out and rinsed the measuring cup out, I give it back to the Sgt.  The pink stuff tasted like cough syrup with novacaine in it.  It numbed my mouth so much.  I have to do this five times a day now for a while, at least until the pain goes away.

  My cellmate and I played Rummy from 5:30 PM until after 9:00 PM count.  Then, we both lay decided to down for the night.  Just after I started reading I remembered I had to write this and get my Valentine's cards in the mail.  After I sent those out I laid down to read for a bit....

  Until tomorrow....

~J. Doe

Another Day, Another Cellmate. FINALLY!!

Written on Wednesday, February 9, 2011

  Today started off like a typical Wednesday in DCI for me.  I was thinking we had Rec at 7:30 or 8:30 this morning, so, when I got up, I had a nice strong cup of coffee before going to breakfast.  Only when I got to breakfast I was reminded that Rec wasn't until 2:30 PM.  Well that just sucks!!  So after I went back to my cell I laid down and tried my best to go back to sleep.

  Around 9:30 AM the Sgt. woke my cellmate up to tell him he was being moved to Unit 21 at the other end of the building.  Someone down there was apparently having problems with another inmate in their unit and they decided I'd like them as a cellmate I guess...

  Around 10:00 AM my now old cellmate left and my new one came in.  We started talking and immediately I was relieved to find out he wasn't a problem causer and had made up the story about having problems with another inmate so he would be moved to this end of the building and possibly to the same unit his nephew was in.  Unfortunately for him his nephew isn't in my unit, but fortunately for me I got a cellmate that shows some respect. 

  For the record, this guy is a 32 year old black male from Milwaukee and we get along fine so far.  He goes by the name "Pig" in case I refer to him later, you'll know who I'm talking about.  He's doing four years for a 'dope case' as any drug related case is called here.  He told me he has been here for over five months and still hasn't been staffed which is killing my hope to be staffed soon.

  I didn't get any mail today but I called home and talked to my parents.  We had a typical conversation about how things were and my Mom verified some things I was wondering about someone.  I often wonder if anything this person I talked to my Mom about ever said was true?  Well, I can't let it change my plans and goals.  I'll just keep on going.  I've based too many of my decisions on the actions of others for too long.

  Anyhow... My cellmate and I talked for a few hours and for once I got to turn the lights out at 9:00 PM and got to sleep shortly after.

  Until tomorrow...

~J. Doe

Can We Say "Power Trip?"

Written Monday, February 7, 2011...

  Today started off like a typical Monday in D.C.I. Until after 12:15 PM count. It was time to do cell clean-up so I picked the cell up to get ready to sweep. As they worked their way down the hall from cell to cell my cellmate said hello to the female Sgt. who was supervising the cell clean-up. He then laughed about something someone said in the hall, so the Sgt. came to our door, opened the trap door, and told both of us that we were being loud and to keep it down. When she shut the trap my cellmate turned and said, “We weren't even being loud and you didn't even say anything.” I agreed, but the next thing you know she came back to the trap, opened it, and this time threatened to send both of us to the hole.

  I had enough at this point, so I said, “Wait a minute... WE weren't being loud, I didn't even say one word from before you started cell clean-up until just now when you threatened to send us to the hole. This is way out of line.” She just shut the trap.

  So I sat here with my cellmate in silence until she once again came to the trap, opened it, and told us we'll be cleaning last so she can keep an extra good eye on us. I waited until she opened the door to say anything to her. In a formal complaint process an inmate must address an officer personally to make an attempt to resolve an issue before filing his complaint. So, that's what I did. I told her that I hadn't spoken once in the duration of her complaining about my cell being disruptive and my cellmate even agreed with me.

  She told me, “Just forget about it and clean your cell.” So, I spent an hour at least debating whether I should file my complaint. I asked the swamper if we were being loud and he told me he spoke to her and clarified that I was never disruptive, disorderly or disobedient. So, I put off writing my complaint.

  After dinner and count we finally got mail passed out. I finally got a letter from someone other than my Mom and my attorney. At least someone knows I still exist and will get out of prison someday. I spent the next few hours writing them back. It wouldn't have taken so long if I weren't interrupted so many times. My cellmate asking all kinds of questions. About cars and women, the swamper passing out ice and toiletries and guess who? The same female Sgt. returned yet again.

  This time she directed her attention solely to my cellmate. She brought up his behavior from earlier and then mentioned his “card looked awful.” Apparently, every inmate has a “card” showing their past warnings and/or write-ups. She never looked in my direction at this time. Instead, my cellmate apologized yet again, and she left.

  I finished my letter and mailed it out just after 9:00 PM count so it would go into the USPS mail by the morning. After this I laid in bed listening to my cellmate tell another story before I read my book and fell asleep.

  Until tomorrow...

~J. Doe

Many Slurs... Much of Racism.

Written on Friday, January 28. 2011,

   I woke up exhausted today. I tossed and turned all night because my cellmate didn't turn off the lights until about 3:00 AM. Now he wants to talk at 6:30 AM. What the fuck?! I just want some sleep!!...

   I got some sleep before the swamper came around doing linen exchange (sheets and pillow case.) I made my bed nice and neat and went to lunch. After lunch my cellmate got yelled at by our C.O. for messing around in the hall, talking to other inmates and trying to pass something. After checking his file and seeing he has had prior incident summaries, she decided to write him up. Too bad he only got his Rec period taken for five days, now I get to deal with him working out in here instead. Not to mention, he'll sleep during the day more, keep me up more and plain out piss me off more. Oh yeah, there isn't even five Recs before he's leaving so he got off easy. Now he's reading aloud while I'm writing. I wonder if I hit him in the mouth, just once, if I could get away with it? I might find out soon enough.

   Now it's cell clean up time and of course my cellmate got yelled at for trying to talk to the guy across the hall. Then, when the C.O. shut and locked the door, he sat at the trap door talking shit about her. I doubt he'll ever learn. I'm going to try to read my book until dinner. I don't think there is any mail today because it's a staff furlough day.

   I guess I was wrong. Mail was just delivered, but I of course didn't get any. I forgot to write yesterday that I got a letter from my Mom and Dad. Without them I don't know where I would be. Probably dead. But still, no mail from any of my friends.

   Tonight my cellmate was being disrespectful to the swamper, calling him “cracker” and “child molester.” Finally the swamper snapped and told my cellmate he was “an ignorant fucking nigger.” Well, needless to say, this set my cellmate off. He was yelling out the door about “Fuck this boot camp! I'm gonna beat that nigga's ass in the mornin'!” Apparently the swamper's daughter was raped when she was thirteen, so he didn't take well to the child molester comment too well. It took about an hour before the two of them decided to drop the whole thing. The C.O. Let me come out and play cribbage with the swamper for an hour and a half. Then we locked down for the night. I made some noodles and kool-aid. Now I'm going to lay down, read my book and hopefully get some sleep. Until tomorrow....

~J. Doe

Exploited Artist? or a Bogus Cellmate?

...a bit more written on Wednesday, January 26, 2011...

  They passed out mail after cell clean-up earlier, didn't get any and honestly didn't expect any either.  I suppose one day when I get something I'll enjoy it that much more due to the surprise involved.  I signed up for a phone call at 7:15 PM.  We only get one per week on A&E status.  Hopefully they have some good news at home... Until then, I am going to cook some noodles and have a cup of coffee.

  Well, while my noodles were cooking and I was standing at my sink having a cup off coffee both of the 2nd Shift C.O.s came to my door and opened our cell door.

  I looked at them and said, "What's up?"

  They replied with "I don't know, you tell me, you spoke first."  I stood there silent wondering what this was all about.  Then they said they were looking for an artist.

  I said "Huh?

  They repeated, "We're looking for an artist, someone who is good at art and can draw."

  So, I turned and asked if they meant the writing and drawing on the wall.  They said that's what they were talking about and wanted to know if I had anything to do with it.  I said, "That was all here before I got here."

  But, of course, they replied saying "No it wasn't, we document any sort of that stuff and there isn't anything about that.  So, how about we get you boys some cleaning supplies and you two can scrub that off so we don't have to document this as being yours."

  Sounded good to me, I sat here and watched my cellmate clean the walls while I wrote about it.  Like I said, I didn't do it, I'm not cleaning it up.  My cellmate didn't dispute this for obvious reasons.  Now he's in the hall scrubbing doors, working his way down the hall.  Doing his best to save face in front of his boys, telling them, "I'm just cleaning for something to do"  I swear, I don't think he's stopped lying since he started to talk.

~J. Doe



I said, "I can't draw without a pencil."  My cellmate opted to tell

Dropping a Duece and Being Compassionate Towards Others.

...continuing from the writings of January 25, 2011

  Lunch time came before I could shower so I'm first after lunch.  I get a clean towel, wash cloth, underwear, t-shirt, socks and pants.  After showers we had head count and my cellmate got yelled at again for talking.  Then, I laid down, read a chapter in my book and took a short nap.

  I woke up around 2:00 PM and had to use the toilet (#2.)  So, I took a blanket and hung it on the end if the bunk to block the toilet from my cellmate.  Then I tied the sheet to the corner of the bunk and the other edge of the door to block the toilet from anyone looking in the door.  Next, I climb inside to handle my business, always remembering to flush once when I drop one.  It keeps the smell down.  When I was done I couldn't help but notice the 2nd shift C.O. was passing out mail but he conveniently passed my cell since neither my cellmate or I had any AGAIN today!

  Next was canteen distribution, nothing special.  Check your bag to be sure everything you ordered is in it and if it isn't all there you can refuse the whole order until next week or live with it.  Most will just live with it instead of not getting anything.  Sign your receipt and get your Inmate I.D. stamped on any envelopes you bought.

  Afterwards, I just played solitaire for an hour or so, at least until dinner.

  I tossed a bag of chips to the kid across the hall when we left to chow.  (As we have been told previously, sharing is now a no no. ~ 3rd party)  His family hasn't sent him anything so I figure $0.58 for some chips is the least I can do. 

  After chow I had some Ramen Noodles and chips to finish filling me up.  The swamper just came around filling up everyone's glass with ice so that's my cue to wrap this up and lay down while I read some more of my book.  I hope this is as interesting to everyone reading this as it's been for me logging it.

  Until tomorrow....

~J. Doe

Sunday is a Day of Rest... and Loneliness

Writings from the day of Sunday, January 23, 2011,

  Today nothing really special happened.  Three meals as usual and that's the only time we got out of our cell.  The swamper came around this morning and asked my cellmate if I wanted to go to church.  He told me I 'wasn't on the list.'  I finally got my 'Institutional copy' of the Bible on Friday after asking for three weeks.  I'm glad I now had my own.  Now that they finally got that distributed to me maybe they'll finally call me out for a different church service sometime this week.  Only time will tell....

  There was no mail distribution today since no one gets mail anywhere on Sundays.  Hopefully something comes tomorrow.  It's always nice when you get mail when you're in prison.  Even if it's someone cussing you out, a lawyer responding to a legal claim or someone who actually cares.  At least when you get some mail in prison it reminds you that you haven't just been locked up and forgotten.  So, for those of you who are reading this and know someone in jail or prison, take a few minutes today and write them a letter.  Let them know you are thinking about them.  I promise you, you will brighten their day significantly.

~J. Doe